What if Richard Nixon had e-mail?

From: President of the United States
Sent: Friday, April 5, 1973 3:42 AM
To: Haldeman, H.R.
Cc: Ehrlichman, John
Subject: bowling alley needs to be fixed
Importance: High

Bob,
Bowled with Henry last night. Game started well. I was bowling an 80 by 4th frame, Henry only 45. However in 5th frame, the back right pin would jiggle and then fall over unprovoked. This forced us to hit reset a bunch of times. Fortunately it was just Henry, but suppose [John] Connally or Jerry [Ford] comes over and thinks I have some kind of fairy bowling alley.

Get those fuckers in maintenance to take a look and fix right away.
-RN

Richard M. Nixon
President of the United States of America
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC
dick@whitehouse.gov

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From: Haldeman, H.R.
Sent: Friday, April 5, 1973 3:46 AM
To: President of the United States
Cc: Ehrlichman, John
Subject: RE: bowling alley needs to be fixed
Importance: High

Mr. President,
I’ve just gotten word that the problem has been fixed. Don’t know why that happened, but be advised it will never NEVER happen again.

Didn’t realize Dr. Kissinger was a bowler…
-Bob

H.R. Haldeman
Chief of Staff to the President of the United States
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC
hrbobhaldeman@whitehouse.gov

From: President of the United States
Sent: Friday, April 5, 1973 3:47 AM
To: Haldeman, H.R.
Cc: Ehrlichman, John
Subject: RE: bowling alley needs to be fixed
Importance: High

Jews as you know have certain traits, one being they are not athletically-inclined. Henry is no exception. He bowled abysmally. Not to mention that he had no idea POTUS was so good at it. If he did, I doubt he would have subjected himself to it. Incidentally, he’s going to reign in the back channel shit he’s had going on with Zhou.
-RN

From: Ehrlichman, John
Sent: Friday, April 5, 1973 3:49 AM
To: Haldeman, H.R.; President of the United States
Subject: RE: bowling alley needs to be fixed
Importance: High

Currently picturing Dr. Kissinger with bowling ball waddling down lane. HILARIOUS
-John

John Ehrlichman
Assistant to the President for Domestic Affairs
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC
jehrlichman@whitehouse.gov

From: Haldeman, H.R.
Sent: Friday, April 5, 1973 3:50 AM
To: Ehrlichman, John; President of the United States
Subject: RE: bowling alley needs to be fixed
Importance: High

Bwahaha!

-Bob