"Ten Things Guys Don't Care About"

Some more solid advice for teen girls (Seventeen), "Ten Things Guys Don’t Care About"

…how weird your parents are. Everyone has nerdy, embarrassing, lame parents. Even the “cool” parents are embarrassing. So don’t freak if your dad decides to do the “pull my finger” gag from time to time, or if your mom wears flower-print stirrup pants around the house. None of that is going to change how we feel about you.

…that you cut a centimeter off your hair. Guys are pretty observant. Like, if you suddenly chop off all of your hair, we’ll notice. But we probably won’t notice a trim. It’s not that you don’t look great with your new haircut, it’s just that to us a haircut means a pretty obvious shave with clippers — not “an inch off the bottom to get rid of split ends.” Heck, we don’t really even know what a split end is.

Seventeen then had a follow-up article called “Ten things guys do care about,” which included

Your breasts

Whether you will have sex with me

Whether you will want a relationship (or a date!) after we have sex (uh-oh)

And another follow-up about ten things guys don’t care about

How your day was

How your friendships are going

What you do for a living

In all seriousness, fuck you Seventeen.